I Swear, The Pig Really Did Eat My Homework!
by DreadFilledPsyche
Summary: See How Tiger Potter reacts to the world around her and to her family, famous parents, four gay uncles, the smartest healer ever seen as an aunt, and some interesting cousins.
1. The Nutters in My Life

Good morning everyone. Well, maybe not. Oh well.  
Holy Bob on toast it was hard waiting three days to post this, but I finally get to so. BWAHAHAHAHA!  
Now remember. Reveiwing eases Flatulence.   
And I am talking to you. yes you, you know who you are............

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I Swear a Pig Really Did Eat My Homework  
  
Chapter One- The Nutters in my Life  


  
  
Hello, my name is Telulla "Tiger" Fiona Potter. I live outside of London in a large house. My mother is Ginevra Weasly and my father is Harry Potter, I have an Aunt Hermione and an Uncle Ron, and two gay, but married uncles. One is Fred Weasley, and he is madly in love with a boy named Draco Malfoy, and the other is George Weasley and he is infatuated with a talented Quidditch player named Oliver Wood. I also have an Uncle Percy who is a workaholic, an Uncle Charlie who disappeared into Romania last month, and an Uncle Bill and Aunt Tonks.  
Basically my family is a group of mixed up maniacs, or Loons on Loon pills, but either way, they are a wee bit crazy if you know what I mean. Well, 5 years ago I was accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where I have thrived and developed my amazing, well mediocre magical skills. I am in the top half of my class, and a severe over achiever, but will never be the best like Aunt Hermione and her children are.  
I do very well with potions, divination, astronomy, care of magical creatures, and muggle studies. I am Okay at Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration and Charms, and HORRIBLE at history of magic. I hate it the most. All I get to hear is Professor Binns drone on about, well, basically my whole family, defeating the Darkest Lord of all time. Lord Voldemort. Why would I want a stuffy old ghost to tell me about something I could hear first hand from my Mum and Da? Mum doesn't understand it though. She says it is the easiest class there is. Take notes and write reports she says. And I tell her I am bored, and like all "Good" mothers, she says, then you should be getting excellent marks. And so I think in my head, blah blah blah, tell her "whatever you say Mum" (Which is what my best friend Nikii Gonzales and I have determined is music to a nagging mother's ears), and the conversation is over, and I can go back to dreaming about a certain Slytherin Chaser I know named Falcon Thomson. I then my mind to thinking about my other best friend, Dominique McWood. He is a 6th Year too. He is Oliver's fourth cousin three times removed. And like Ollie, he is a WONDERFUL keeper, and the captain of the Griffindor team. I am a seeker just like my Father. Da was so proud when I got chosen in my second year. Mum wasn't as thrilled, and told Da that she would rather have me studying than playing that game. But he explained how she too was a seeker during her Fifth year when Da had been banned by the High Inquisitor from ever playing quidditch again, and she blushed, and changed the subject. But I suppose I should explain more about my family. Well, my Mum is one of the more famous people on the "social scene" due to her "amazing" novels on ,quote-unquote, beauty the magical way. But everything she writes works for her because she is the most beautiful person I know (apart for Falcon), with her curly red hair, and her beautiful skin. To bad I look nothing like her. My father is well, Harry Potter, and he is rather good looking too, but , he is famous just like Mum, not only for being (dun dun dun)The boy who lived, but for being the lead Auror in the group (my family) that defeated Voldemort, 2 years after finishing School. And in a previous year edition of Witch Weekly were the cutest married couple of the year. We also have a big black dog (which people think is the grim) named Sirius.  
Aunt Hermione is one of the Most famous healers to ever hit St. Mungos, and Uncle Ron is the Leading Muggle Studies expert for the Ministry of Magic. They have 6 kids already. (Cressida, 17, Roxy, 16, Doreen, 14, June, 11, Rain, 7, Jessica, 4) and another on the way. I actually quite good friends with Roxy and Dory, and I suppose June is starting school this year. Then there is Uncle Fred, Uncle Draco, Uncle George, and Uncle Ollie. Fred and George own a joke shop in Hogsmeade called Weasley Wizarding Wheezes, they are quite the pranksters still, and are very popular at Hogwarts. Draco writes magical psychology books about breaking away from controlling parents and finding yourselves. And wood is the BEST keeper on the Chudley Cannon's team. Draco and Fred are raising a daughter, which is Draco's from his marriage to Pansy Parkinson (which was all because his father forced him to marry someone who's family was in league with Voldemort), named Victoria Elizabet 15, who is the most gorgeous girl in Hufflepuff.(Platinum blond hair, and sapphire blue eyes) George and Oliver are quite happy just canoodling around, and getting monged in every strange place they can think of. I really don't get to see much of Percy, he works in the department of mysteries at the MOM. I don't see much of charlie, but when I do, he is a real hoot. Bill and Tonks are awesome. Tonks is so hip and young, even though she is older than mum and dad, and she is the Defense Against The Dark Arts Teacher at Hogwarts. Bill is quite nice, and works for Gringotts. He got exposed to some chemical at work though, so he is just a wee bit bonkers. Well that's my family. Interesting isn't it? Oh, and that. Is the door bell. So, I am off for now.  
  
Ta Ta! 


	2. Who Stole My Knickers?

Chapter 2 folks, enjoy.  
If you Do not review I will hate you and curse you into oblivion!!!!!!

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Chapter 2-Who Stole My Knickers?  
  
"Darlingest Tiger" My Mum sang up the stairs. "You aunt and uncle and cousins are here. Along with Nikii and Dominique."  
I despise it when she uses that ridiculous sing song voice. And even worse around my friends. I don't think they realize what a egotistical self admiring attention grubber she really is. And as much as I love my mother, I can't wait to go back to school each year.  
When she called my I ran down a set of stains and a spiral staircase to the living room. The place is HUGE! The room is blue. Light blue walls, dark blue carpet, and medium colored furniture. It even has a blue fireplace. That is precisely why I isolate myself to my room. I couldn't even say hello to my friends before I noticed Mum's hideous outfit. Tight Hot Pink Robes, cut above her knee, and a big fluffy black boa around her shoulders. I noticed that currently she was standing in her, "look at me, bask in my glorious light." stance, and I rolled my eyes noticeably, before going over to greet my friends.  
Dom embraced me in a warm hug, I buried my head in his shoulder, realizing he had grown about 4 inches and must be about 6 foot tall and covered in muscles, and when he pulled away I almost missed the warmth of his body. Then I hugged Nikii, and admired the way she looked. "Bloody Hell Nikii, you look......hot!" I said. And I am sure I was gaping like a large mouthed bass. But you would have too. Last year Nikii's hair had been a curly, knotted, mess or brown hair, but this year, it was cut stylishly above her shoulders, straight, and a gorgeous auburn. She has been flat as a board, and now she was elegantly curvy. Her style sense had been Nill, but now she had on cute cargoes, and a good looking tee-shirt under her robes.  
"Thanks for that wonderful assessment Tiger." She remarked sarcastically, and I laughed. She in turn looked me over, and said, "You're not looking' so bad yourself."  
Dom immediately corrected her. "Not so bad? She looks GREAT!" I blushed, and looked in the hall mirror. My hair was cut just above my ears and flipped out to the sides. It was dark brown with naturally Orange stripes.(some from each parent) Emerald Green eyes just like my Da,(I of course had makeup on and it was just smoky black eyes today) and fair skin like my Mum. My body was quite curvy. I actually looked pretty good in my Torn skating/broom boarding jeans, and my green Flogging Molly Tee-shirt. I put my hands on my hips, and saw my black painted nails. I smiled naturally, and my dark lips parted over white teeth.  
"But Dom," I replied. "I have to ask myself one question. What is going to happen to my face when the Baboon wanted his fat Arse back?" And the three of us broke out into fits of Loon Pill laughter.

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Later that night after I had greeted all of my Marvvy relatives and we sat down to a Fabola dinner. Nik and I went upstairs to my room so I could get packing. And Nikii started digging through her trunk. After a few minutes she started to get frantic, throw stuff around my room, and suddenly screamed "WHO STOLE MY KNICKERS?!?!?"   
I started into a fit of hysteria as she explained to me that she had brought a pair of incredibly tiny knickers that she bought in the States to impress her boyfriend (Darrek Johanson) to show me. She then went into a tune called, "who stole my knickers"(Which she explained to me is a parody of a song called 'where is my hairbrush' sang by a cucumber on a American show about talking vegetables. And I kindly explained to her that anyone who would watch a show about talking vegetables is a complete Goosegog, and she had to agree.) My stomach hurt, and I had the hiccups from laughing so much, that when I went to bed, my adrenaline still going, and I didn't sleep much all night.

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hate is a strong word, rather I wil not like you really really alot, and curse you into oblivion!!!  



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